get-shopping Chapter 57: The God of War is Brushing in the Outhouse, Your Deliveryman is the Egyptian Grim Reaper
Chapter 57: The God of War is Brushing in the Outhouse, Your Deliveryman is the Egyptian Grim Reaper
In the courtyard house.
Lin Fan carried a small stool and sat down in the middle of the courtyard with an air of authority.
He sat with his legs crossed, a clean pig's trotter bone in his hand, and a serious expression on his face, presiding over a unique "criticism meeting".
Before him stood twelve Gold Saints lined up, their once dazzling Saint Cloths now tattered and cracked.
They all had their heads down, standing ramrod straight like elementary school students being punished in the teacher's office.
On a crooked old locust tree nearby, Ares, the god of war, was bound like a dumpling with a thick hemp rope.
His mouth was stuffed full of a steamed bun.
Fang Qingxue had just steamed it that morning; it was filled with red bean paste and was still steaming hot.
"All of you, lift your heads!"
Lin Fan tapped the stone table in front of him with a pig's trotter bone, making a "bang bang" sound.
The twelve Gold Saints shuddered and raised their heads as if electrocuted.
Their eyes were incredibly complex, filled with humiliation and resentment, but even more so with a deep-seated fear.
"I'm asking you," Lin Fan cleared his throat and spoke in a very official tone.
"Name? Place of origin? What is your purpose in coming here? How many people are in your family, how many acres of land per person, and how many cows do you own?"
A series of authentic Beijing alleyway interrogations left the twelve Gold Saints completely bewildered.
"..."
They looked at each other, their mouths opening and closing, but they couldn't utter a single word.
It's not that I don't want to speak, it's that I simply can't understand it!
This language, comparable to an otherworldly incantation, completely shut down their minds.
"Hey, what's wrong? Playing dumb with me?"
Seeing their dazed expressions, Lin Fan became displeased and slammed the pig's trotter bone in his hand onto the table.
"Or are you looking down on my little temple and disdainful of me?"
His eyes narrowed slightly.
An invisible yet heavy pressure instantly crushed the twelve people.
They felt their very souls tremble, as if they were about to be crushed into dust by this aura in the next second, and even their breathing stopped.
"No...no...a great being..."
Standing at the very front, Aries Mu strained with all his might, managing to squeeze out a mental surge from between his teeth.
"We...we don't understand your language..."
"Oh? I don't understand." Lin Fan looked like he suddenly realized something.
He forgot about that; these blondies are foreigners.
"Alright."
Lin Fan stood up and slowly strolled over to Leo Aiolia.
"Then let's try a different way of communicating that you can all understand."
When Aiolia saw Lin Fan approaching, his muscles tensed instantly, the hairs on his body stood on end, and his heart pounded wildly.
He thought Lin Fan was going to kill him.
As a result, Lin Fan simply reached out and tapped his cracked golden armor with his finger.
"Clang! Clang!"
The crisp sound of metal clashing echoed in the courtyard.
"Your body is not bad." Lin Fan nodded, like an experienced blacksmith evaluating iron.
"It's quite thick and bright."
"Yeah, it's a bit in the way."
The moment he finished speaking, he tightened his grip on the Saint Cloth slightly.
"Sizzle—!"
A sickening metallic screech pierced the air!
Under Aiolia's ghostly gaze.
His Leo Gold Cloth, forged from divine blood and Orichalcos and said to be blessed by the gods and indestructible, was torn open at the chest by Lin Fan as easily as tearing a piece of cardboard!
Golden divine light emanated wildly from the crack, like the wailing of a dying person.
Before anyone could react...
Lin Fan grabbed the crack with both hands and yanked it apart!
"Splash—!"
The myth of invincibility has become a joke at this moment.
The entire Leo Gold Cloth shattered completely into pieces amidst a piercing cracking sound!
It turned into a pile of dull, golden scrap metal, which clattered and fell to the ground.
Aiolia, shirtless with his muscular chest exposed to the air, stood there dumbfounded, frozen in place.
He...he was...stripped naked?
Not only him, but all the other eleven Gold Saints, including Ares who was tied to the tree, were petrified.
His eyes were as big as copper bells, and his mouth was so wide open that an egg could fit inside.
That's the Gold Cloth!
It is the most precious treasure of the Sanctuary! It is a symbol of their power, glory, and life!
actually……
It was... torn apart by bare hands?
What kind of monster is this man?!
"Yes, it looks much better this way."
Lin Fan looked at Aiolia's muscular physique and nodded in satisfaction, as if he had simply removed a piece of clothing that was in the way.
Then, his gaze fell on the other people.
That look in his eyes was like he was sizing up the next toy to be taken apart.
"Who's next?"
"..."
The remaining eleven Gold Saints, looking at Lin Fan's seemingly harmless smile, felt more terrifying than the demons from the deepest depths of hell.
They all took a large step back in unison, without any apparent reason.
"No...don't..."
"Please...you great being..."
The fluctuations of mental energy swirled wildly in the courtyard, filled with pleas and panic.
Are you kidding me!
Their Saint Cloths are their second life!
To have their Saint Cloths stripped off in public is a humiliation worse than death!
"Oh? Don't want to be stripped naked?" Lin Fan stroked his chin, appearing very easygoing. "That's fine too."
"Then you'd better show some sincerity that will satisfy me."
He pointed to the overgrown weeds in the corner of the courtyard wall, and then to the pile of construction debris in the corner.
"See that? Clean all of this up."
"Turn over that plot of land over there. Chop up that pile of firewood."
"And you," he said, his finger finally pointing to Ares, who was tied to a tree and looked utterly dejected, "In a bit, you go and scrub the outhouse in the yard. Remember, scrub it cleaner than your face."
Lin Fan arranged all the tasks clearly in one go.
The entire courtyard instantly became so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
The twelve Gold Saints and Ares, the God of War, were completely frozen in place.
What did they hear?
Weeding? Turning the soil? Chopping firewood?
Brush...brush the toilet?!
This devil from the East actually wants them, these warriors of the gods who walk among men, the true gods of war of Mount Olympus, to do these menial jobs that even the lowest slaves in the mortal world would disdain.
Scholars can be killed, but not humiliated!
"What? You have a problem with that?" Lin Fan's eyes narrowed again.
"I...we..."
Mu, an Aries, struggled to convey his mental fluctuations under immense pressure.
"We are warriors, not... slaves."
"Warriors?" Lin Fan laughed, his smile full of mockery. "With your pathetic skills, you dare call yourselves warriors?"
"In my eyes, you can't even beat Grandpa Wang who plays chess in the chess and card room at the entrance of my alley."
"Now, I'm giving you two choices."
"First, be honest and get to work."
"Second, I'll strip you all naked and hang you on my yard wall as decorations fluttering in the wind."
"Choose for yourself."
"..."
Dead silence.
It was a deathly silence.
How should one choose between dignity and life (and more importantly, decency)?
A long time passed.
Mu, an Aries, was the first to silently lower his proud head, walk to the corner of the wall, and pick up a hoe.
Immediately afterwards, Virgo Shaka picked up a scythe.
Aldebaran, a Taurus, glanced at the mountain of firewood, then at his own fist, sighed, and walked over.
One by one.
The twelve Gold Saints, who were once renowned throughout mythology, completely relinquished their former selves and resigned themselves to their fate, taking up all sorts of farming tools.
Clang, clang, clang, chug, chug.
The courtyard was soon filled with a bustling scene of labor.
Only Ares, the god of war, was still tied to the tree, his eyes lifeless, his face filled with despair.
He'd rather die than clean the outhouse!
Under the eaves, Fang Qingxue looked at the surreal scene before her and felt as if her worldview was being repeatedly rubbed into the ground.
The legendary Gold Saint is pulling weeds.
The invincible war god in mythology was tied to a tree with a bean bun stuffed in his mouth.
She felt that if this incident were filmed with a mobile phone and uploaded to the internet, the entire Western mythological system would collapse on the spot.
Just when the courtyard was full of "thriving" activity.
"Ding-dong—"
The old doorbell at the gate of the courtyard suddenly rang.
"Huh?" Lin Fan was taken aback.
Who is it? Li Zhenguo? Or Grandpa Wang and the others? Didn't they just leave?
"Qingxue, go open the door," Lin Fan casually instructed.
Fang Qingxue responded, walked over, and opened the courtyard gate.
A man in a blue deliveryman's uniform stood at the door.
He was wearing a hat and a mask, completely covering his face, and was holding an ordinary rectangular cardboard box in his hands.
"Hello, is this Mr. Lin Fan's home?" The deliveryman's voice was a little hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken in a long time.
"Yes, you have something to discuss with our master?" Fang Qingxue instinctively became wary.
"Here's an international express package for him, which requires his signature," the courier said.
"International express delivery?" Fang Qingxue was taken aback.
When did you start doing overseas online shopping, sir?
She turned around and looked at Lin Fan with a questioning gaze.
Lin Fan was also a little puzzled, as he hadn't bought anything.
"Bring it in," he called out to the door.
The deliveryman nodded, picked up the box, and walked into the yard.
When he saw the twelve "farmers" in golden armor pulling weeds and chopping firewood in the yard, and the "zongzi" tied to the tree.
His face, which was covered by a mask, twitched noticeably.
But he didn't ask anything, and he didn't say anything.
She simply lowered her head, quickly walked up to Lin Fan, and handed him the box.
"Mr. Lin, your package is here. Please sign for it."
Lin Fan took the box, and the moment his fingers touched the cardboard box, his eyes changed.
Not right.
This deliveryman has a strange aura about him.
not human.
It wasn't the sacred aura emanating from those gods just now either.
Rather, it is a chilling feeling... filled with death, decay, and ancient dust.
It looked as if it had just crawled out of the sarcophagus in the pyramid.
Lin Fan's eyes narrowed completely into slits.
He didn't look at the box, but stared at the deliveryman in front of him.
"Who are you?" he asked casually.
The deliveryman remained silent for a moment.
He raised his hand and took off his hat and mask.
A non-human face then appeared.
It was a face with a long beak like that of an ibis, and a pair of eyes that shone with a wisdom that seemed to see through all things in the world.
"I am Thoth, the Egyptian god of wisdom."
He gracefully performed an ancient Egyptian courtly greeting towards Lin Fan.
"By the command of my Lord Anubis, God of the dead and of judgment."
"I have come especially to offer a small gift from the Nile to the great Lord of the Courtyard."